For Amusement

Some tracks modified to reflect the times

Topical remakes

Lyrics 'adapted' for the current situation
A variety of clipsPlay
My Corona
Chris Mann
(Some bad language)
Play
Coronavirus Rhapsody by Queen | COVID-19 KaraokePlay
Corona Virus Song Sound of Silence
Parody Simon & Garfunkel
Play
One Day More
The Marsh Family
Play
I Gotta Wash My HandsPlay
Do Re Mi - Corvid 19 VersionPlay

Contibution from Chiltern U3A

Here are some videos that Chiltern U3A sent out to keep their members entertained.

Cartoons sent in my members

The latest set

A Senior's Version of Facebook

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybdy does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them a “thumbs-up” and tell them I “like” them.

And it works just like Facebook. I already have 4 people following me, 2 police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

That Famous Gentleman's Laws

1 Law of Mechanical Repair- after your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you need to pee.

2.Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now

6.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces – the chances of an open-faced jem sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15.Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

16.Law of Public Speaking – A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18.Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

Lexophiles

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.
This year’s submissions:

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists die, they barium.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Playing with Letters

Word/sRearrange to:-
PRESBYTERIANBEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMERMOON STARER
DESPERATIONA ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORYDIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINESCASH LOST IN ME
SNOOZE ALARMS ALAS ! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINTI'M A DOT IN PLACE
ELEVEN PLUS TWOTWELVE PLUS ONE
DESSERTSTRESSED
MOTHER-IN-LAWWOMAN HITLER
THE EARTHQUAKESTHAT QUEER SHAKE
ELECTION RESULTS LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
THE EYESTHEY SEE

Pam Ayres

I’m normally a social girl
I love to meet my mates
But lately with the virus here
We can’t go out the gates.
You see, we are the ‘oldies’ now
We need to stay inside
If they haven’t seen us for a while
They’ll think we’ve upped and died.
They’ll never know the things we did
Before we got this old
There wasn’t any Facebook
So not everything was told.
We may seem sweet old ladies 
Who would never be uncouth
But we grew up in the 60s –
If you only knew the truth!
There was sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll
The pill and miniskirts
We smoked, we drank, we partied
And were quite outrageous flirts.
Then we settled down, got married
And turned into someone’s mum,
Somebody’s wife, then nana,
Who on earth did we become?
We didn’t mind the change of pace
Because our lives were full 
But to bury us before we’re dead
Is like a red rag to a bull!
So here you find me stuck inside
For 4 weeks, maybe more
I finally found myself again
Then I had to close the door!
It didn’t really bother me
I’d while away the hour
I’d bake for all the family
But I’ve got no flaming  flour!
Now Netflix is just wonderful
I like a gutsy thriller
I’m swooning over Idris
Or some random sexy killer.
At least I’ve got a stash of booze
For when I’m being idle
There’s wine and whiskey,  even gin
If I’m feeling suicidal!
So let’s all drink to lockdown
To recovery and health
And hope this awful virus
Doesn’t decimate our wealth.
We’ll all get through the crisis
And be back to join our mates
Just hoping I’m not far too wide
To fit through the flaming gates!

Your Annual Test !

Here is an amusing  simple 4 question test of your reasoning abilities – no cheating! (Thanks to Mary Rogers for finding it)